


when the zeroes line up on the 24 hour clock

by Anonymous



Category: Wooden Overcoats (Podcast)
Genre: (not super explicitly but like chapman SO is), Blow Jobs, Coming In Pants, Dirty Talk, First Time, Fluff, Frottage, Light Dom/sub, Locked In, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Power Bottom, Service Top, Smut, and there was only one sofa..., but couldn't come up with a good reason there would only be one chair in a cafe, chapman would tho, someone please hug rudyard, was gonna make this a there was only one chair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:04:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27340117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Very few things could cause Eric Chapman to lose his composure. Really, it would take an amazingly persistent person to get underneath his skin. Unfortunately, Rudyard Funn was nothing if not persistent.Rudyard and Eric end up trapped in Chapman's overnight. Events take a turn neither of them would have predicted.
Relationships: Eric Chapman/Rudyard Funn
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27
Collections: Anonymous





	when the zeroes line up on the 24 hour clock

**Author's Note:**

> i am still too scared to post smut on my main oops
> 
> may go through and edit this later because it is almost 2am and i have Not proofread or had this beta'd but i think the world just needs more chapyard
> 
> (title is from knee socks by arctic monkeys, which i Blasted writing this)

Very few things could cause Eric Chapman to lose his composure. He had learned the importance of a calm façade early on; be patient, speak calmly, diffuse the situation. He had practice with testing situations, he knew how to deal with them. Really, it would take an amazingly persistent person to get underneath his skin.

Unfortunately, Rudyard Funn was nothing if not persistent.

He had stormed into Chapman’s ranting about yet another elaborate (ridiculous) theory he had concocted as to how Chapman was trying to sabotage him and was refusing to back down no matter how evenly Chapman pointed out the flaws in this idea. He was trying not to let his irritation seep into his tone as he continued to close up his various businesses, Rudyard trailing behind him as went.

“-and if you haven’t been sabotaging us why do I keep finding birds outside the door? Hm? Chapman, what do you say to that?” He accused, poking at the taller man’s shoulder.

“Rudyard, how could I be connected to birds gathering outside your house? Also, why is that a problem? They aren’t doing anything to damage the shop or inconvenience you.”

“They’re scaring Madeleine. She can’t focus on her writing like this.”

“Oh.” He finished locking up the arcade and moved on to the café, Rudyard stomping along behind him. 

“And! The birds tweet whenever I come outside! They’ve got some sort of alert system to let you know my movements, admit it!” He stood in the doorway of the café as Eric began to wipe down tables, kicking at the doorstop in frustration and scowling.

“Rudyard, please. You’ve got to hear how you sound. You’re going to need to leave soon, anyway, I’m nearly done closing up.”

“I sound perfectly reasonable! I know you’re doing something, and I WILL find out what!” Rudyard exclaimed, kicking hard to emphasise his point. Hard enough that the doorstop slipped out from underneath the heavy door. Rudyard stumbled back into the room as the door swung shut quickly, closing with a heavy thud.  
Eric’s head jerked up at the noise, a cold dread settling in his stomach. Oh please, not this time, not now-

“Good lord. That door nearly crushed my foot, are you trying to kill me Chapman? Are you trying to destroy my foot so I can’t walk so I can’t hold funerals and you get more business? Is that it?” Chapman felt his irritation build with every word the other man uttered. He dropped his cloth and walked over to the door, jiggling the handle and hoping that his suspicions would prove false.

The door did not budge.

“Now look here, what’s going on? Open the door.”

“Rudyard,” Eric began, tone tight, “the reason I have that door propped open is because the lock sticks.”

“Oh.”

“And my keys are back in the office.”

“Oh. This isn’t good.”

“You think? Hold on, I’ll call the locksmith.”

“It won’t be open this late. He never does business outside official hours.” Rudyard sighed, worrying his hands.

Eric wanted to tear at his hair. “We’re stuck in here until tomorrow morning.”

“It would seem that way. Really, Chapman, what are you doing with a door like this in a business, it’s dangerous.”

“Are you seriously trying to imply that this is my fault?” Eric felt his anger rise, his face reddening. “You came here yourself, you followed me around while I asked you to leave several times, you kicked the doorstop. In what possible way is this my fault?” He turned to face the scowling man, slightly satisfied by the way he loomed over him. 

“Now look here, Chapman.”

“No, Rudyard, you look here. I have tried to be patient with you, but you come into my workplace and my home and you accuse me of blatantly untrue things before getting me locked in. You don’t think about the consequences of your actions and you refuse to accept blame. I am not going to stand here while you try to act like I am at fault in this situation. Now go sit down, and unless you are going to be reasonable be quiet.” He snapped. Rudyard huffed, before stalking away to settle on a sofa in the corner of the room. Eric flopped onto a nearby chair and put his head into his hands. 

Of all the people to be trapped in a room overnight with. Rudyard Funn. He was infuriating, unreasonable, and would almost certainly try to bicker with Eric many more times before the night was through. He could not think of a situation he would like to be in less. It wouldn’t even be so bad were he not inexplicably attracted to the man. The annoying thing was that it wasn’t actually inexplicable, either. Rudyard was all of the above, but he was also fiercely protective of the people close to him, and funny when he wasn’t constantly trying to appear professional, and earnest. As much as Chapman argued with the man, he loved to see him smile (a genuine, open smile, not the unsettling thing he put on for clients), and he really worried he wouldn’t be able to see the man sleepy and vulnerable without falling even further. 

He would simply ignore Rudyard as much as he could and try to get through this one night. Only 11 hours until the locksmith opened. Easy.

Rudyard lasted approximately 30 minutes before complaining.

“Chapman?”

“Yes, Rudyard?” A sigh.

“I’m quite cold.”

“The thermostat is on the wall next to the light switch.”

As Rudyard got up to turn the heat, Eric glanced at the man. His hair was ruffled from where he had been lying on the sofa, and his cheek was pink where it had stuck to the leather. Eric didn’t want to think he looked cute, but heat rose into his cheeks anyway as he thought about running his hands through that dark hair, kissing that cheek. He tried to snap himself out of it by looking away, but his eyes instead landed on Rudyard’s waist.

Eric had known, in an idle sense, that Rudyard was quite thin. He was aware that he and Antigone weren’t able to afford much food, and that he was quite scrawny anyway. But looking at the man now, he had definitely lost weight. His shirt and jacket were looser than they had been when Eric had first seen him, too. No wonder the man was cold, Eric thought. He felt the last of his irritation melt away, replaced with concern for the man. 

“Rudyard,” he began as the man fiddled with buttons and squinted at the small numbers, “have you had dinner?”

“What?” he replied absently. “Not yet, no, I came straight from work.”

“I’ve got some sandwiches behind the counter. If we’re stuck in here for the night, we at least shouldn’t go hungry.”

“Well… yes, very well then.”

Eric reached behind the counter and grabbed two packages. He passed the ham and cheese one to Rudyard and opened a tuna mayo for himself. They returned to their spots across the room from each other, and silence once again filled the room save for the occasional rustle of a wrapper. 

Eric didn’t know how long the two of them sat in silence. He fidgeted with a napkin, tearing it into tiny pieces, and then simply resolved to try and sleep. He switched on a lamp on a nearby table before turning off the harsh overhead bulbs and settled back into his squashy armchair. Sleeping like this would destroy his neck in the morning, but Rudyard was settled on the only sofa and the chair was better than the floor, so he made do.

He was halfway there when he was startled by a shout. “Shit, Antigone!”

“What?” He asked blearily, lifting his head to see a frantic Rudyard.

“Antigone won’t know where I am, she might be worried, I need to let her know I’m okay. Do you have a phone in here?”

Chapman shook his head, pulling his mobile out from his pocket. “Use this.”

Rudyard took it, and gave him a small grateful nod, before dialling rapidly and holding the phone to his ear, tapping his foot impatiently. “Antigone! I’m okay, I’m safe, yes, yes. Yes, I know it’s late. I’m sorry I kept you waiting, I am. Yes, I- No, I’m stuck in Chapman’s. No, it was not my fault! No, you won’t have to do the funeral tomorrow, I’ll be out in the morning. Go to bed, I’ll be fine. Well, actually- Oh, yes hello Madeleine. Yes, I’m perfectly safe, don’t worry. I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you edit tonight, but we can go over some of it at breakfast tomorrow. Ok then. No, he really wasn’t behind the birds. I know. Can you put Antigone back on please? Listen, go to bed, both of you. I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, and let Georgie know I’m ok, if you could? Alright, goodnight.” He handed the phone back to Chapman, some of the stress gone from his face. 

“Thank you. For the phone, and the meal, I mean.” He said, wincing as if the words pained him slightly.

“No problem.” 

It was hard to look away from Rudyard. The soft, yellow lighting made him look softer. His harsh angles faded slightly, the bags under his eyes were less obvious, his hair fell in front of his face slightly. Rudyard Funn was not a person who would be described as handsome, but Chapman was having a hard time thinking of another word for him. He was lost in his thoughts, and so wasn’t quite thinking straight when he blurted-

“You’re really lucky there.”

Rudyard turned from where he had been making his way back to his seat. “I’m what?” There was a slight edge to his voice that Chapman didn’t quite understand, but he continued.

“You’re lucky, to have a sister that cares about you that much I mean. And Madeleine, and Georgie. You’ve got people looking out for you, people who really care about you. I wish I had that, sometimes.” He hadn’t meant to admit that last part. He fidgeted slightly, embarrassed, but that turned to confusion as he saw a scowl return to Rudyard’s face.

“I’m LUCKY? You think I’m lucky? Now look here, Chapman. I sleep on a mattress filled with junk. I can barely make end meet for myself and my sister and every day I am worried this is the day we go bust. Frankly, it’s a miracle we haven’t yet, what with someone stealing all our business. Half this village is scared of me, and the half that aren’t think I’m annoying. You are surrounded by people who fawn over you constantly, you’re making comfortable money, how DARE you call me lucky you absolute prick!” Rudyard’s voice grew louder as he spoke, striding towards Chapman’s chair and poking a finger at him. 

“Listen, Rudyard, I didn’t mean it like that, really.”

“Then how did you mean it Chapman? I don’t need your pity, or your sympathy. I’m well aware of how people think of me, and I have simply resolved to ignore it.”

“How would you know how I feel?” Chapman felt himself rising to the bait, but he didn’t stop. He was normally so composed, but Rudyard just got to him like nobody else could.

“Oh please. Look at Rudyard, with his failing business and his shabby clothes. His best friend is a rat, isn’t that strange? Let’s all ignore the little weirdo. Let’s look at him sadly when he can’t afford his shopping, or his bills. Let’s laugh at him, isn’t he strange. I know just what everyone sees when they look at me.”

“Really?”

“Really, Ch-mmph!” Rudyard’s speech was rather impeded by the sudden addition of Chapman’s lips against his. Eric pulled away after a moment, breathing quickly. 

“Don’t try and tell me what I feel, Rudyard.”

Rudyard stared at him for a moment, before silently turning away and lying back down on his sofa. Eric too flopped back into his seat, and mentally cursed himself. He shouldn’t have let himself get so worked up, and he definitely shouldn’t have kissed Rudyard when they had just been bickering. If he had ever had a chance, he’d definitely ruined it now. He turned off the lamp and sat in the dark lost in his thoughts and willing sleep to come. 

After a few minutes, Rudyard’s whisper cut through the silent room.

“Why did you do that?”

Eric breathed slowly. How was he supposed to explain? “Because… I wanted to. Because I’ve wanted to since I walked into your funeral parlour on my first day and you didn’t bend over backwards for me. Since I saw how kind you are to Madeleine, and how funny you are when you don’t think people can hear you, and how much you care about Georgie and Antigone, and how passionate you are about your business. I’ve wanted to do that since I met you Rudyard. I’m sorry that it happened this way.”  
“Oh.”

More silence. Then, a rustle of movement, and a warm weight settled in Eric’s lap, knees bracing either side of his thighs, squeezed close by the arms of the chair.

“Rudyard?”

“Shut up,” He said in a small voice, before his he leant down and kissed him.

Eric leant into it immediately. It became clear after a moment that Rudyard wasn’t too certain what he was doing, and so Eric took control: set a slow pace and let Rudyard take what he wanted from his mouth. When they broke apart for air, he gazed at Rudyard’s face close to his in the low light, eyes dark and thin lips panting. 

“Are you sure?”

“Shut up, Chapman. Yes, I’m sure.” He moved back down, and this time Eric was ready, and maybe it was his tired brain talking but it was possible the best kiss he’d ever had. They kissed for what seemed like an age, moving his hands to stroke Rudyard’s back and thread through his hair, Rudyard’s arms coming to brace either side of Chapman’s head, before his thighs started to tremble slightly from holding himself up, and he settled his weight fully into the larger man’s lap. 

Eric flushed slightly. The tone of the moment shifted instantly as he felt Rudyard pressed against him, the warmth of his chest and the sharp lines of his hips moving as the kiss grew more intense. He noted, with a small horror, that heat was beginning to pool between his legs, and prayed Rudyard didn’t notice. No sooner had the thought this than the other man stilled for a moment, breaking the kiss to glance down. The two made eye contact for a charged second, before Rudyard slowly circled his hips down. Eric groaned softly, the stimulation secondary to the sheer wicked intent he could see in Rudyard’s small smile.

“Do you want to do this?” Eric asked quietly. He wasn’t quite sure what ‘this’ was, but Rudyard seemed to understand his meaning, because he nodded and leant back in to kiss him again, rolling his hips again. Eric bucked up into his movements, moaning at the stimulation. His cock was hardening quickly, and he could feel Rudyard stiffening through his trousers as well as the man whined into his mouth. God, it had been a while since he’d felt so undone so quickly, straining just from making out like a teenager. He broke the kiss to suck a bruise into Rudyard’s pale neck, hips thrusting more desperately as the man began to babble above him. 

“Mmm, fuck, Chapman, so good, ohhh, fuck, harder,” Eric complied, nibbling at his neck and running his hands down to grasp at Rudyard’s ass. “God, yes, like that. So good, so good for me, shit, yes Chapman.”

Eric’s hips bucked up at that, moaning, and Rudyard pulled back slightly, eyes glinting. 

“Did you like that? Me calling you good?” Eric nodded quickly, cock throbbing as Rudyard’s hips moved faster against him. “Oh, darling, yes, you’re being so good right now, so good to me. You’re making me feel, fuck, feel so good just from kissing me, you’re fantastic.” The taller man threw his head back as the words hit him, Rudyard murmuring close to his. “You like this, don’t you? Like giving up control, losing all your, shit, perfect composure. Are you getting off to this, me telling you how good are?”

“God, yes Rudyard. Wanna be good, be yours, make you feel like this, ohhh fuck, mm.” Rudyard’s hand stroked down his chest before moving to palm clumsily at Eric’s dick through his trousers. Chapman moaned in desperation at the stimulation, dangerously close already. 

“You’re making me feel so good Chapman, fuck, I’m so hard because of you. You’re doing so well, treating me so nicely, darling, nhh. You want to be mine, want to do what I tell you?”

“Yes, ah, so much, yours, please, feels so good, Rudyard, fuck.”

“Next time we do this we are doing it in a bed. You can, mm, fuck me with your fingers, get me nice and ready, worked up for you, and then you can fuck me with this,” he gripped Eric’s cock firmly through his trousers, causing him to shout and grind up into the stimulation, “make me feel so good, fuck me properly, and I’ll mark you all over so everyone will know you’re mine, darling. This,” another squeeze, “is mine.”

Eric’s eyes closed and his hands tightened on Rudyard’s hips as he came, spilling inside his pants with a heady groan. Rudyard kissed him as he came down, hips still twitching against him.

“Chapman, fuck, did you just come in your underwear?”

“Mm, yeah, sorry-,“ he began through heavy breaths, only to be interrupted by Rudyard whining and fumbling with the zip of his trousers. 

“Good fucking lord, that’s hot, oh shit, mm,” he panted, shoving his boxers down along with his trousers and tugging at his weeping cock. Chapman lifted him off his lap and spun the two of them around, kneeling between his legs and bringing his mouth up to bite at Rudyard’s thighs.

“Can I?”

“Yes, fuck, ohhhhhhhhh Chapman, so good for me.” Eric sucked on the tip of his dick, licking softly at the slit and enjoying Rudyard’s hiss before taking the rest into his mouth and bobbing his head. Rudyard was already going to pieces above him, one hand clenched white-knuckled on the arm of the chair and the other stroking Eric’s hair, and Eric didn’t think it would be long before he finished too. Indeed, after a minute or so more Rudyard’s moans grew more frantic and his hand gripped Eric’s hair tighter as he warned “shit, gonna come, god, darling, mm.” Eric pulled off and gripped the other man’s dick tightly, pumping once, twice before he came with a quiet moan. 

The two of them stayed there for a second, breathing heavily, before Eric got up to find napkins to clean them up somewhat, the come cooling against his crotch unpleasant. They settled onto the sofa, Rudyard tucked against Eric’s side. 

“We’re going to need to talk about this in the morning, you know,” Eric said through a yawn.

“I know. But right now, I’m exhausted, so be good for me and let me sleep,” Rudyard responded with a small smile.

“Okay, but this is going to bother me unless I ask, so why on earth are you so good at dirty talk? You didn’t seem to know what you were doing with anything else.”

“Eric, I am a 35-year-old man who has never been in a relationship. I have watched a lot of porn, and eventually you pick certain things up from it.”

“You called me Eric,” he smiled, cheeks warm at the thought.

“I believe we’re at that level, considering I’ve had your cock in my mouth. Now go to sleep, darling,” Rudyard admonished, though he smiled in return and kissed Eric’s shoulder softly.

They would talk about this in the morning, Eric thought. They would wait for the locksmith and have a long discussion about what they both wanted, and their limits, and who pays on dates, and maybe he would take Rudyard up on some of his earlier promises. Antigone and Georgie would probably try to shovel talk him, which would be interesting, wholesome and terrifying all at once, and he could only imagine what talk around the village would be. But all that was for the morning. Now, there was simply himself and Rudyard, alone together for a night, curled up on a squashy sofa on a cold night. 

There was nowhere else Chapman would have rather been.

**Author's Note:**

> like zoinks scoob i am sorry if the tone varied wildly this is the first time I've written since June also uh. leave feedback if you wanna it makes me really happy!


End file.
